This blog post has been authored by Stand Out Online Member Tammy Maynard, Goal’d Mind Coaching, LLC
In our busy modern lives, we’re asked to do things for others on a daily basis. At work, we’re often asked to take on extra tasks. At home, we’re asked to help around the house. Our friends will ask us for a favor or two every now and then. All of which we will usually say yes to. After all, it’s great to help others when you can, right? Well yes, but not all the time. Saying yes to everyone can often leave us with no time to care for ourselves. Before we know it, we’re doing 100 tasks a day with 101 more to do tomorrow. This can quickly become overwhelming and exhausting. So how exactly can we overcome such a problem? Learn to say no.
Although this may sound horrible at the time, you need to make time for yourself. You can’t help anybody if you’re burnt out. By taking the time to care for yourself, you can also take better care of others when you decide to say yes. Not only is saying no an option, but it’s critical for your long-term health. Now, we’re not saying say no to everything (unless you need to of course). But saying no every now and then can do wonders for your mind. Here are a few of the benefits you can enjoy from saying no.
You Prioritize Your Own Needs
No matter what you believe, you’re the most important person in your life. People commonly forget this fact and end up putting everyone above themselves. This is not only damaging your self-esteem and confidence as you put yourself below others, but it also means you neglect your own needs without realizing. By saying no to others, you prioritize your own needs, opening up time for self-care and reflection. Although this may sound selfish, it’s quite the opposite. Our second benefit explains why that’s the case.
The More You Take Care Of Yourself The More You Can Take Care Of Others
If you’re consistently saying yes to every request in your life, you’ll burn out. You may tell yourself that everything is okay and you can keep going, though in the long run, this can have extremely adverse impacts. This is why learning to say no is so important. As a naturally caring person, it can be very difficult to say no, in fact, you may see it as cruel. After all, if you don’t help others who will?
Although it’s a wonderful gift to be caring, you can’t care for others if you don’t care for yourself. You need to set boundaries in each area of your life to do so. If your boss asks you to work overtime but you’re already tired say so. If your child asks to play after a long day at work, schedule a time later in the week where you’ll play with them. If your friends ask you for a favor but you don’t have the time, explain this and say you’ll help them next time. We promise you; these people won’t take it personally. By saying no, you make sure that when you do say yes, you can do a good job.
You Will Improve Relationships
Although it’s a common perception that saying no will damage a relationship, it can actually do the complete opposite. Saying no to a friend, family member or manager can help to improve your relationships. We’ve all heard the story about the terrible manager who gives your friend pile after pile of work. Now, we’re not saying all managers are perfect, in fact many aren’t. However, people will usually say yes when they’re given this work. Over time, this workload will cause a buildup of resentment, which will turn to anger and even hate. By saying no, you build boundaries in your relationships. These boundaries are essential to any healthy relationship. They stop friends and family from becoming overwhelming, and also help to make your boss aware of your workload if it’s becoming a burden. All of this starts from a simple no.
The Mindset of Saying No
If you’re someone who is used to saying yes to most things, saying no will be extremely uncomfortable at first. It may cause stress and discomfort. To overcome this, you need to change your mindset and the way you think about saying no. Here are some key mindset shifts you need to consider.
Saying No Is A Form of Self Care
Today our hectic lives leave us with little to no time for self-care. We spend 9-5 working, 5-9 with our children and loved ones and then we sleep ready to again. This leaves us with no time to look after ourselves. No time to analyze how we’re thinking and feeling. We will often overlook how we feel until we simply meltdown. This can come in the form of exhaustion, anger and chronic stress- all of which will leave you unable to care for others. Rather than looking at saying no as a bad thing, look at it as part of your self-care routine. Although it may feel strange at first, you’ll thank yourself for it in the long run.
Saying No Allows You to Take Control
The word no shouldn’t be seen as some kind of taboo topic. It’s actually extremely beneficial for you, doing wonders for your mental health and confidence. Saying yes to everyone else can make us feel like we’re at the bottom of our social relationships, especially when your effort isn’t reciprocated. By having the confidence to say no, you begin putting yourself first and taking control of your life. This will at first feel like a small thing. Saying no here and there so you can make time for yourself. Over time, you’ll begin to realize that you can take real control of the world around you. The more you say no, the more time you have to begin building what you want from life.
Give it a go today. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, or you simply want some time to yourself say no to someone. As you begin to prioritize yourself, you’ll see both your own happiness and your ability to help others increase too.