This blog post has been authored by Miangel Crabbe, Off Top Life & Love Relationship Counseling Svcs.
Ladies, I was that WOMAN! I was the woman who claimed that my family always came first. That’s why I worked so hard to create a financially stable environment for my kids right? This is why I went to work at the crack of dawn, returned home in the evening sometimes 7 or 8 pm. I made sure everyone ate, cleaned up what others wouldn’t, and then went to bed, and then put it on repeat the next day. Somewhere in between all that 100000 miles per hour crazy, I was a counselor, secretary, chef, housekeeper, lover, nurse, therapist, you name it, I did it. I was a mother and, wife and I also had a full-time job while attending college. I was a workhorse, chronic workaholic and I functioned that way for all of my children’s lives’. I was always moving fast, and you could not slow me down for anything. I put multitasking on a whole other level. My brain NEVER SLEPT, and I felt that this was all for my family. I loved my children and taking care of them was my number 1 priority however, it did not quite translate that way to them all because some of them required a different show of love that I just did not understand.
The truth of the entire matter is that I was NOT PRESENT. I did not SHOW UP often in my family life because I was too busy making money. I did not pay attention to the desire of them to have me BE THERE instead of being gone 12 to 14 hours each day. I did not understand that LOVING your children doesn’t mean that you are AFFECTIONATE. Most times I was exhausted from running around from the top of the morning that I had very little energy let alone patience for what was going on in their lives’. It wasn’t that I did not care but, that I did not have time to care. Feelings got in the way of business, so I did everything in my power to put that fire out in the feelings and keep everyone on task. My mind was on providing and pretty much nothing else as in my mind if I did not work this hard and make sure we had a roof over our head and food to eat then what good would a feeling do if we didn’t have needs. I was able to provide but, was always doing it by the hair of my chinny, chin-chin. As I tried so erratically to hold on and maintain my household, I did not really pay attention to what was the SITCH. I was in for a rude awakening.
In 2011, I was diagnosed with fibroids and had to have calcium deposits removed from my breast. This slowed me down for a little while. I had time to pay attention. I was present in my life and guess what? It was not at all what I wanted to be a part of. In fact, my marriage was on fire, my son was a holy terror and so far out of my grasp that I had to send him off to stay with my parents. He subsequently told me as an adult that he wanted me to be there for him rather than to have been away from him. My daughters were not trouble but, I hate that when they got older my middle child told me that she felt I was not affectionate to her as a child. My baby, well, she is the baby and will always be to me but, it hurt me to my core to hear that there was a “lack” of love felt because I thought that I was showing that by working so hard. It was their truth and I had to change that because I did not want them to feel like they were not what mattered to me the most. Instead of spending so much time away from my family, I should have found ways to make sure that they knew I truly cared by being present and showing up.
Fast forward to the revelation. I am newly married for the 2nd time and I managed to find my DREAM GUY. I am working on becoming a Ph.D. My life is so much more fulfilled now that I have time to show up in it. I have created a life that involves my husband. I have invested in my life so that I can create my own wealth. I have adopted more efficient ways to balance my life and I owe it all to the fact that all relationships matter and achieving a relationship Trifecta is the key to a completely happy life.
Find the tools, they’re out there!
As Change Champions, transition and accountability is my specialization. I have mastered the Art of CHANGE from being shaped by fire. Through the transformation of mindset, acceptance of what-is, and the utilization of free will, I have realized and actualized that anything is possible if you just want it and most importantly believe that it can be. As proof, I AM IT! My philosophy is that love of self, love of life, the desire to grow, and the courage to LET GO will give you a reason to become, and stay present in your life that you create.