This article has been authored by Stand Out Online Member Kristen Bomas, Kristen Bomas PA
You are not independent in your lifestyle. You become independent “from” another entity that you perceive is limiting you. You are interdependent and self-sufficient. Let’s look at this concept and then address why it is important for you to embrace this concept and language.
Too often I hear people talk about being independent. But there is no such thing as an independent life. Everything you do, even eating an apple, is interdependent. Interdependence is mutual dependence between things and/or people. You are interdependent in every aspect of your life: nutrition, healthcare, financial, relationships, education, emotional growth, etc.
When you speak of becoming independent it is from a limiting entity or experience. For example, our country! We celebrate Independence Day because it is the day we gained our independence from England, but we are not an independent country. We are interdependent. Likewise, when you speak of becoming independent from your parents, you are on your own and no longer under their structure or discipline.
Everything you do in this life is a part of many people coming together to make it happen. Let’s look at eating an apple. It took the farmer, the labor on the farm, the truck driver who took the apples to the packing place, all the workers in the packing place, then another driver, etc. to get that apple to you. Finally, it is in your hand ready to be eaten. But you depend on hundreds of people to do their part for you to have that wonderful juicy apple.
It is important for you to embrace this concept. There is a level of gratitude that is missed if you do not acknowledge all the people it takes for you to enjoy your life (or a tasty apple)! Each of your days are fraught with multiple tasks and events and each and every one of them takes a herd of people to make it happen. There is a critical interdependence that allows you to enjoy this freedom and this expression in life.
To say you are independent is eliminating all the unity that exists. You may feel that you broke away from some dependent position you were in and now you feel more independent from that “overseer”, but that is not being independent in life. That is being independent from a situation that made you more dependent or limited in some way(s). Now you are free of that. You are independent from that limitation and can now experience the unity that occurs with interdependence. Interdependence is the most basic experience of unity in this life.
It is in the interdependence that you feel greater freedom because you are acknowledging the unity and teamwork of life. The more you hear your Self say interdependent or self-sufficient, the more you challenge the old beliefs that you have to be independent and devoid of others! It allows you to relax into needing and desiring others’ input and all the sharing of life.
Embrace being self-sufficient. Nothing about your self-sufficient lifestyle is a truly independent existence. Self-sufficiency allows you to see that you are taking care of your life on your own with the help of others. That is a very powerful awareness! It allows you to honor your achievements and successes. To say you are independent ignores how your life is enhanced when you hire or engage others, e.g., housekeepers, pool cleaners, or friends, etc. That is a wonderful part of success — hiring and engaging others to make your life simpler and yet, more open.
No matter where you are in your life and career, you are in an interdependent relationship with life and others. In that interdependence, you can find success, happiness, and self-sufficiency (if you choose). So, become more aware of the many others who allow your life to be grand. Embrace your interdependence and be grateful for all who allow you to experience all that you are in this life. And, finally, the greater meaning is the unity we experience with interdependence.
Kristen Bomas is a speaker, author, workshop facilitator, licensed psychotherapist, and the creator of The Sage’s Template, a relationship framework for the most anguished and complicated of marriages – the one between yourself and your universe that won’t behave.
Kristen invites us to reunite with life, spirit, ambition, community, business partners, and personal genius. With no one-size-fits-all technique, she requires in her clients and the organizations she engages with, a willingness to explore. Because “mastering” life has nothing to do with rigorous control. And everything to do with curious investigation.